Window Pains

I’m touched when we make eye contact.

Although I just know my feeling, It is between us.

What forces at work are impeding us from proceedings.

Day One : Son

fight. ignite. invite. survive. a life. alive. incite. energize. denied. penalized. centralized. killing. middle-class. vilified. criticized. watched. survey. identified. institutionalized. crucified.

One man’s trash. Time wasted has been passed. I live in the last minute. The eleventh hour when the pursuit is due.  Only a end to the means shall ensue. Nothing is ever done, the minute remains new. From the surface  the treasure below seems worthless.  Priceless even though weathered.  No distinct pleasure to one can be of purchase.

Always

“All way are up, and when he thinks, it gets deep. As if he sink into the abyss, the deep blue. He is swimming with the fish, pisces, the one that resides in the span of where you wish, which is the same as his will that demands total bliss. No one deserves ill will. He knows that each soul has it’s holes that it attempts to conceal. It is only compassion I feel for one that is ashamed of their actions. That continue to cause pain and refrained to only reacting to the life happening. Embrace the chaos. To time change causes catastrophes.” -drt

Footsteps

What we know is everything that has been shown  in history. Considering, that which hasn’t been experienced and remains a mystery. Believe none of what you hear and half of what you’ve seen, the belief is in our faith; the other half resides in our dreams. Nothing is what it seems. Knowledge is only where beings have been. So says the man who has footsteps washed away in the sand.

Lonely

It’s me. It’s he.

The one and only.

The one.

El one that rides lone.

Though he is not lonely.

Who You?

How could one convey the idea that this space I occupy is mine. Who am I? I look at you when I see my face. Whilst in a mirror I wonder how many windows I am looking through. Think it threw. Throw my mind into the abyss, and with the light I see it through. Flying above plight, full flight. Bright nights. In sights from third eyesight provide insight.

Stars

Many of the thoughts have been embedded. These secrets are protected in message. A mess of what has been ingested, hurled after digested. Projected in the world and forced to make an impression. Bruising the sky blue engaging  my most passionate aggression with voice in oppression. Small magnificent glimpse of answers that are just specks in the vastness of potential questions. Rearranging faith in space and time, which only exist with our suggestion.

Splinter.

I’m existing to be entertained, not enter in the center plundering for inner pains. Splinters of time one will never find in the heydays, the maladies are a restraint. Faint pricks render us defenseless; dulled senses, culled sanity. Words hurled at the heard, damaging the vanity. May day. May day.

Words hurled at the herd inciting insanity. Letters delivered to the home inviting calamity. Comedic exhales to quell all the tragedies.

Fountain of Youth

The fountain of youth is the life that water brings, digging in earth and breaking seams makes it seems as if the dream of oil only brings in the spoils  draws toils and stress that shortens time and perpetuates death. 

If it all really is a dream then the dirt that supplies water has came from the greater St.Augustine. Providing fruits that challenge the truth and restore balance. Unlike the establishments that extort peace and support violence.

I should be silence from my intent to inspire them. Because we all live together until we expire.

Why not build an empire?

Secrets

Dirt. Everyone has it. My history, my past, has molded me into who I am today. Some of the most beautiful experiences I’ve had were been suppressed by the darkness. I know this from what I am able to remember. That goes for everyone I encounter. And the struggle exist between what I know and what I have learned. Potentially, I can be of the darkness I am most familiar with from my recollections. Though I have chosen to take the opposite path from understanding that what I know from observing someone in a limited time can not compare to what molded them into their character. The motivations of ones actions are basically through their experiencing and learning in this reality which contributes to their understanding of life and how it functions. There seems to be no real answer to the question of life and existence; some facts are inescapable.

1. Your existence is not an accident, nor is it a coincidence.

I consider the odds of me not existing to the contrary. The series of events leading to me being here had to be exactly calculated; I am bred from both of the negative and positive events before me.

2. I have unlimited potential.

The worst thing that could happen in life is that it will end and events leading after-life are unknown. So given that my actions may lead to death, which is not necessarily absolute; it is just my commitment with this experience that draws sentiment and fear. That leads to everything in life being subject to change from my force upon it under the physical limitations of earth and what man-made institutions I choose to participate in.

3. Fear is the force which constantly works against us.

Whenever I plan an action I must take into account the forces working against me that would hinder my success. Though most often the force could very well be myself. Even with planning I cannot totally predict an outcome but considering that I myself unable to accomplish something is fear. Fear to my understanding is the lack of faith in my will. Power which is available if I choose to obtain it.

4. Positivity beats negativity, though negativity reigns.

5. Thought is pointless without action.

6. Everyone wants to experience pleasure.

Perspective

Perspective is based on orientation. According to my experience, perspective is my point of view, what I observe, feel, understand, and interpret. My perspective is relative to my orientation, which is how I am at any given moment in time. “I am” is never constant. It changes as I discover and evolve. Though it could possibly be my desired position in the future.

Orientation – My position, Where I am

Perspective – My view, feelings, and understanding

My view is based on my position. How I understand depends on where I am standing. How do I change my perspective by moving my position. My position is always movning so my perspective is never constant. On the event horizon the end is the absolute nothing. The black hole being my death. As it gets closer, my commitment to time and other worldy things are relieved. My perspective is broadened.

Drugs in relation to perspective are a drag. A drag on time, which is solely a relative experience, but when functioning at the pace of the constant reality that you deviate from whilst being drugged; time seems like it is lost.

Article 1.4.1: Freedom

I am told that I am free, but what does that mean. Is it that I am free to accept defeat? Free to tolerate my position. Free to think I am free and to imagine what freedom actually is.

I can imagine freedom being as fluid as my dreams. That I can run, jump, and fly as I do in my dreams. Just running would suffice. If I could run where I want to. Freedom does exist in my actions because there is no one direct resistance. Though resistance is inherited though relationships, societal and financial pressures. I am not free to run away unless I don’t plan to return to where I was. The where I am referring to is the place in this reality, not location.

I feel like I am most critical of this idea of freedom, because of my belief that I lack the freedom to function in this society as a free person.

The Rain

Even when you didn’t see it, The cloud was still there.
Behind the mountains. Tearing them away one drop at a time.
And I climbed through the rain to bring you an umbrella, but was always too late.
You saw the sun. And thought it was done.
If I could only give you the sun.
Though the mountains don’t reach high enough.

Dimensions

“The history of dirt began the same way the church did. With Jesus Christ that’s when my birth is. In the year of infinite infinite. I take notice in the small things because in the end everything’s insignificant. Though nothing is greater in this existence. All I know is what is shown, and what I’ve seen does not make sense. So to say this is reality, I’m not convinced. Been immune to the technicalities that create limited mentalities. If moneys on the mind the souls is sold for the salary.”

“It isn’t living if I’m killing myself and promoting death maybe I should stop smoking and thinking through broken breath. I’m searching for something I won’t expect. And it’s likely that its here though I’m not equipped to detect. I may sleep but my third eye never rests.  And what I’m shown is that faith in this reality is a test. Breaking the laws of life would expose them as fallacies. If I continue to open the closed doors would I be welcomed into totality. Currently, I existence in a duality of animal and man; where chaos is the neutrality.”

From Composition…

Words I have collected over time:

“Man has no other boundaries than those he sets.”

“Rediscover something, thats what the current theme to all what I knew and forgot. rather than sulk, I set another quest. Some questions or events need no further explanation. Everything deserves its space.”

“President’s change; but at the present everythings same. No presidents; living from loose change.”

“Why shouldn’t I go with the jump? If I could fly how would I know if I didn’t try.”

“Why Do birds chirp when I walk passed? Critically one would ask, “Why did the thought past?” I often find myself asking questions because it seems that all my experiences have a lesson. Knowledge is power. One is not the least but without it he is lessen from dedicating energy to resting and stressing. I’m no better. Matter of fact, I’m the worst. I am drt.  I am from earth.”

“Shit is fucked up; but what do we do? Talk from our face until we’re blue. knowing where you are going but only because if what you are taught you knew. after participating and paying attention how much change do you get. wanting a little bit more is considered dissension. How can one be a rebel with positive intentions when the rest want you to fail.  It seems most of us are depressed. “

“I’m fighting for living as if my existence was a curse rather than a privilege with no natural defenses other than my mind which, in reality is senseless. Maybe if I could stop the time by holding the hands or unwind the tension with a bottle of wine; lessen the gravity of my situation. Transcend this. Ascend and be released with a dime. I’m lost and looking for peace, and only in my dreams I can leave from my feet and fly. Sleep awake. Just be in a state of pure manifestation. so that everything eyes see, I create. How could I die again? Technically, the time of my life is when I died.”

“Without having to be told a vision, I created one from intuition.”

“Visually one can see that I’m different. distant mind as the moon behind me. Staring into the sunset, so I wont go blindly. One the path of searching and not finding. Some may think I’m worthless because my goals are to share a purpose. what I contain is nothing because it has no value, limitless, and too great to be considered for purchase. I am just drt. Nothing and everything, the carrier of gems like those found in wedding rings. My mind is a diamond mine.”

“What mind would I be in? If I didn’t react to all the lies that I’m seeing. The lines that they feed in, keep us starved for knowledge; promote sex, death, and violence. I would just think it was common sense that the more you pay them attention the less likely you are to be without a cent. I have to vent. My flow is gone before my cash is spent. I just see oppression, that results in mass descent. No progression.”

“Everything is of the same time. Though we sleep and wake in another day. The days never end. We tend to be different people as we cycle between light and darkness.”

Dreams 1.1

Sometime before I woke up from a dream I had a conversation with someone. I could not recognize the face but what was said was so significant and the event was so vivid I had no choice but to give some value to what my sub-conscious was trying to communicate to me.

The person said to me, “In order to be Christ-like you must be crucified. You cannot fathom what he endured unless you experience it.”

I woke up not knowing exactly how to process what was said, but the message resonated with what I thinking lately. My idea of Christ-like is to be humbling and nonjudgmental.

WHO

After using the, Birthday Calculator, I have collected this information about my birthday which resides on 12/25/1988. (Click on the link to find out your calculation.)

25 December 1988

Your date of conception was on or about 3 April 1988 which was a Sunday.

You were born on a Sunday
under the astrological sign Capricorn.
Your Life path number is 9.

Your fortune cookie reads:
Delay is the antidote for anger.

Life Path Compatibility:
You are most compatible with those with the Life Path numbers 3, 6 & 9.
You should get along well with those with the Life Path numbers 1 & 5.
You may or may not get along well with those with the Life Path numbers 2, 7 & 11.
You are least compatible with those with the Life Path numbers 4, 8 & 22.

The Julian calendar date of your birth is 2447520.5.
The golden number for 1988 is 13.
The epact number for 1988 is 11.
The year 1988 was a leap year.

Your birthday falls into the Chinese year beginning 2/17/1988 and ending 2/5/1989.
You were born in the Chinese year of the Dragon.

Your Native American Zodiac sign is Goose; your plant is Bramble.

You were born in the Egyptian month of Famenoth, the third month of the season of Poret (Emergence – Fertile soil).

Your date of birth on the Hebrew calendar is 18 Tevet 5749.
Or if you were born after sundown then the date is 19 Tevet 5749.

The Mayan Calendar long count date of your birthday is 12.18.15.11.16 which is
12 baktun 18 katun 15 tun 11 uinal 16 kin

The Hijra (Islamic Calendar) date of your birth is Sunday, 16 Jumadiyu’l-Avval 1409 (1409-5-16).

Your lucky day is Saturday.
Your lucky number is 8.
Your ruling planet(s) is Saturn & Uranus.
Your lucky dates are 8th, 17th, 26th.
Your opposition sign is Cancer.
Your opposition number(s) is 2 & 7.
Your birth flower is POINSETTIA

Your birthstone is Blue Zircon

The Mystical properties of Blue Zircon

Zircon helps one be more at peace with oneself.

Some lists consider these stones to be your birthstone. (Birthstone lists come from Jewelers, Tibet, Ayurvedic Indian medicine, and other sources)

Blue Topaz, Ruby, Lapis Lazuli

Your birth tree is

Apple Tree, the LoveOf slight build, lots of charm, appeal and attraction, pleasant aura, flirtatious, adventurous, sensitive, always in love, wants to love and be loved, faithful and tender partner, very generous, scientific talents, lives for today, a carefree philosopher with imagination.

The moon’s phase on the day you were
born was waning gibbous.

Moon’s age (days): 16
Distance (Earth radii): 61.65
Percent Illumination 96.28%
Ecliptic latitude (degrees): 3.42
Ecliptic longitude (degrees): 120.46

9 (9, 18/9, 27/9, 36/9)

The Life Path 9 suggests that you entered this plane with an abundance of dramatic feelings coupled with a strong sense of compassion and generosity. The key to the nature of a Life Path number 9 person is found in their humanitarian attitude. Even the very average of those with life path 9 possess extremely compassionate tendencies.

Usually this number produces an individual that is very trustworthy and honorable, and one unlikely to harbor any sort of prejudice. Obviously, this is a rather tall order, but you are, in fact, a person that feels very deeply for individuals less fortunate than yourself, and if you are in a position to help, you certainly will. The 9, being the highest of the single digit numbers, holds an elevated position in terms of responsibilities to mankind.

Material gains are not overly important, although the quality of some life path 9 people is such that they are materially rewarded in very significant ways. In this, however, the 9 Life Path is not apt to get rich since they are very generous, sometimes to a fault, and usually have an easy come, easy go attitude about money. The rare 9 life path has a totally selfless attitude, giving up of material possessions for the common good.

The 9 Life Path indicates you have a commanding presence. You have the ability to make friends very easily, as people are attracted to your magnetic, open personality. The term “hail-fellow” may have been coined to describe a 9 Life Path, as you may indeed be one of those who is generally upbeat and heartily friendly and congenial. You meet people easily and are quickly befriended because of your openness and amiable demeanor. Your genial ways often put you in the lead in whatever field of endeavor you pursue.

Relationships can be difficult for you because it is hard to strike a balance that will work effectively. If your partner is one sharing your giving attitudes, the relationship will be happy and lasting. On the other hand, if you choose a partner whose focus is on material issues, problems will arise quickly.

You tend to be quite sensitive, as you see the world with much feeling. The number 9′s very deep understanding of life is sometimes manifested in the artistic and literary fields. If drama and acting is not your forte, it will surely be an area of great interest and potential. Likewise, you may be able to express your deep emotional feelings through painting, writing, music, or other art forms.

The purpose of life for those with a 9 life path is often of a philosophical nature. Judges, spiritual leaders, healers and educators frequently have much 9 energy. The number is less inclined to the competitive business environment and may find this a struggle.

As do all the life path numbers, the 9 has its negative side. Because of the demanding nature of the truly positive 9, many tend to fail in this category. It is not uncommon for persons with the 9 life path to fight the realities and challenges of purpose imposed here because selflessness is not an easy trait. You may have difficulty believing that giving and a lack of personal ambition can be satisfying. It must be realized and accepted that little long-term satisfaction and happiness is to be gained by rejecting the natural humanitarian inclinations of this path.

Flight

“Only death in negativity. Convert beauty, fun, and love in life to vitality. Dream big, even if it doesn’t make sense to others, because even they aren’t living sensibly. Especially those living by the cents. There is no green on either side of the fence. The dirty is not clean, He’d rather take responsibility than to repent. And stays bent like the light spectrum.

Even if he wasn’t in flight, at night wouldn’t be the best time to catch him.”

Article 1.9: Faith

Insanity to me would be very close spirit to Beauty. Beauty is the child of chaos, curiosity and brilliance. An insane person experiences a different reality than others. Though the experience is relative. One cannot survive insanity living in a world created by the sane. There are many theories in this existence that are entirely based on perception. Where as we the humans view the reality on a different plane. No greater than a dogs or an ants point of view. We know no more of our world than what we can put labels to. More of what something isn’t, than everything it is. Faith what governs human thought. It is the small voice in your head that is navigating your life map-less.

I wonder the bliss that someone who was considered insane would experience. It would be complete freedom of the world in which we experience. A world that is full of suffering and negativity.

Faith is the motivational force of humans. It is our imagination at its best. Faith can be described, but not easily defined. The definition is relative to our perspective. Our view which is observed by us and judged from our critical and limited scope.

Throughout this existence I have not been able to shake the idea of this reality being totally based on my perspective and thought. Regardless of how others can explain it; it seems as if the belief of life is an illusion devours most other theories. Though they are just words and thoughts created by man and given a certain value. The faith in the illusion is that everything must exist in the illusion. If it seems as if we’re living in a reality, it can very well be just an illusion.

I am sometimes stuck in moments where I am not sure whether this is reality or a figment of my imagination. It may be insane but from my perspective it is interesting. If it is all an illusion than the very people I interact with must be imaginary. That idea gives me a certain power to test my hypothesis. If my existence is imaginary than it should also be open to an awareness that can change what I believe in currently, which is this reality. My experiments have been miraculous. From telekinetic-ally moving a piece of paper to willing events to happen in my favor. Most things can be analyzed and refuted but only be the limited minded. These experiences are beyond what I can fathom so explaining could be a task.

Q:Nothing

“Nothing is greater than everything. Nothing is everything we can’t see. Everything is limited to our senses.” -drt

Dreams: Intro.

Dreams have been a very important aspect of my life. I consider the events as important as those in my physical world. I feel that dreams are my link to the underworld and spirit which has no bounds. My connection with dreams is the emotion that some may inflict upon you. My curiosity of the forces that are at work in my dreams give me enthusiasm to sleep. The forces which may be linked to death in some way. It is no coincidence that the chemical responsible for dreaming, Dimethyltryptamine, is released minutes prior to your death. Dying into a dream that has been molded by your subconscious. As an example of what I am trying to portray, if someone lives a life of negativity and the idea of Hell is instilled in one’s belief, than subconsciously one might fall into an eternal dream of Hell.

Another aspect of dreams which I believe is connected with death is dying during a dream. Some dreams in which I will elaborate upon later involve me experiencing and final moment in my dream and waking up to life. As in when I die in my dream why do I wake up instead of passing over whilst in dream state and experiencing death in my dream. Maybe life is the true underworld.

Many things like dreams are said to have been decoded by experts, but my quest for understanding is more valuable than what I choose to accept as truth.

If I said I live alternate lives, than it is with the waking life and the dream world. There I have gained so much control I can fly at will and have lucidity.

Here I plan to share some of my underworld experiences because I feel as if they are worthy of the waking life.

Article 1.5: Death

Since I have been alive I have been living. Though most of my living has been committed to surviving. As if being punished to have to suffer in this world wasn’t enough. I only feel alive when I am not fighting or competing. Though I only believe that what I am experiencing is the “afterlife.”

There are a couple of reasons that I have been led to this idea of the this life and existence as the afterlife. The first is that death is only observed in this reality. The idea is that this stint on earth is temporary and we will exist forever elsewhere in a different dimension.  If we base our evidence on limited existence than the reason why we experience death should be explored. Is it inevitable?

Day by day I systematically kill myself…or maybe the system itself is killing me. There are ways of living healthier that may ensure a longer and more vibrant life, but when the odds are against you…What is the solution? There is only so much control we have in our current situation and when that is combined to how much control we’re given then we end up with nothing, but the illusion of control. We do have control over how much suicide we inflict upon ourselves from the options we are served, be it indirect or not. Food, drugs, or will.

The general way that people live  today is that this life is not yours to live, you are what resources you consume. As much as we want to believe that what we are doing is of our own interest you would be forced to consider why do we come to conclusion that we do. In order to be successful in this reality, you must be shaped to fit in to the mold created. There are few new ideas developing, Is it because man cannot see from the limited scope of the idea processed from his experiences. His experience is constructed in order to maintain a status quo. The status quo is the idea perpetuated by the ruling majority through their order and system. There is much I could elaborate on the subject of freedom versus free but that can be continued in another article.

Death to me begins at the thought. A collective consciousness of death observed in the media and perpetuated by society. It is not a coincidence that the more violent various media and entertainment becomes, the more violent our society becomes.

Coincidences do not exists.

What confuses me the most is that man knows that he is perishable, but the idea of everyone dying simultaneously in an apocalypse causes fear. Though what choice does one have with fear have when the end of the world is circulated through out the belief systems and entertainment. Is death entertaining?

Article 1.4: Freedom

It seems that freedom is often something which is desirable, but unattainable. The idea of freedom exists to humans in various subjects. Freedom is to me,  anything without restriction. Though there is always an opposing force.

With me I demand the freedom to be totally honest. Inside my consciousness my actions and thoughts are filtered before they reach the opportunity to be judged. I’m not aware if it is fear, or some other working emotion that restricts me from being the individual. The other side of me is a working facade ever changing to please the perception of who ever is viewing me. Working at my best to fulfill the desires that I believe others are demanding whilst simultaneously working in my best interest.

It is basically a con game. In order to function as an individual in this society I have learned that it is best for me not to be myself. To obtain my goals I my play the role of which I assume is desired. Often failing. So it seems that neither goal is reached. The freedom is in being perfectly honest in all aspects, but my desires often occur at the expense of someone else. No one wants to be the lesser.

When calculating the course of my actions, there is one choice that is usually diluted by contemplations from assumptions of how the outcome will be. Which is never what is predicted.

I am more critical of the facade I create when interacting with the public. It is false and undeserving of existence. When I force my face to smile, I am watching from the inside of me, disgusted. When words leave my mouth that don’t reflect how I view myself, as an individual with depth. I am further disgusted. I turn my head each time the character that I play myself appears on the stage of the world. It deserves no applaud from me.

I have no idea why I fear to be accepted for who I want myself to be. Insecurities are not something that I should be ashamed of. I have somewhat been able to understand how some experiences people have  lock their true nature deep inside of them. And that it is often not a choice whether one wants to act because they have been molded to execute events in this world to what they see as effective.

Though there is a status quo that my true character does not meet because it seems that my thinking and ideas are outdated. There is no depth in society and no demand for it. New thinking and images are never accepted because they conflict with the current  system. I function as myself and attempt to participate in the system never quite getting it right…

Q: Is.

God is. dirt is not.

Article 1.2.1: Smiling

Tonight I smiled, which bloomed into a laugh. I was on my way home from Big Sun Paw’s house after a nice discussion about animals and the nature of animals. A conversation that initially began with and event occuring where a cat was attacked by dogs.

Then the question came up if an adult lion and adult wolf were to fight who would win. Followed by a anecdote from B.S.P. about a documentary he saw on monkeys and they’re social behaviors that mimic humans.

Man is often shocked when other animals exhibit “human characteristics.” Egotistically man has been separated from the other species. It is only another dimension of the mind that restricts you to labels of what you are told you are. By what the general consensus has agreed upon. I.E. Man. When we are the same dirt. Everything is combined together. As it exists. Because if you consider time and the speed of things. Everything material is alive together for this short period. Energy which has been concentrated will dissipate but the essence will survive. The best way I can explain is the steady 98 degree humans perfectly burn at. The soul is heat.

Everything in existence is a concentration of force, heat, and matter. Time is only an illusion. Gravity=Time=Speed=Force.

In this existence there is everything and nothing. Nothing is greater than everything. Though everything came from nothing. So they are one.

On earth all being are made perfectly for their environment. So if the strong survive how does the weak exist. Nothing was destroyed it has only changed to adapt to the conditions of this round reality. Everything came from nothing. As we are human we are also animal, dirt, water, energy, etc. The birth of the earth. It’s center of force. It’s Navel. Is where man was born. From pure energy. To more concentrated and aware collections of energy. Made to continue the process of everything.

I didn’t get this deep into the discussion about life with B.S.C this all happened in my head. As he was giving his anecdote.

We departed and on my way home I heard the most beautiful music I’ve ever heard in my life. It was dirt’s soundtrack. The name of the song is not known, but experience it had upon me can only exist in this one manifestation of my current lifetime. That moment will be re-concentrated in my work which has been suffering mental barriers lately due to restriction of Freedom( See Article 1.4).

Time=Gravity=Force=Speed is ever changing.

Soul=Heat.

Will=Gravity.

Body=Matter.

Though I manifest my will which guides my path created by nothing.

My imagination.

Eye. See.

As eye stand on the cutting edge
my vision is split in a thing line between life and death.
My words have varied meaning
but eye is spoken in breath.
My skin is broken,
eye bled.
The flesh.

Filling the pool of life,
now softly eye tread.
with palms open.
Fluidity eye cant grasp
or hold the stillness.
Ripples eye create now
collide with destruction from the past.
Everything that was,
Isn’t.
And the latter won’t last,
waves crash and drown.
My composure,
creating organized confusion,
As eye sink deeper,
it gets darker,
bolder.
All hopes of surfacing reduces.

When there’s no fight to survive,
there’s no fight
no labor,
no work,
but nothing isn’t worthless.
Priceless are the fruit,
from the tree of letting go produces.

So eye choose to lose and let it be,
Moving through fluidity,
drowning,
and being free.

Q: Life.

“Life is to Art as Death is to Money”

Lodge in a Crater

Hike to the moon and lodge in a crater,

Forever,

Because if I have the sun,

Time won’t past,

There’s no later,

Every moment is present,

No past.

No holds if I’m holding,

Can’t let go of something you don’t grasp

Drugged

I drag my life around on a leash. As if it were a dog reluctant to step through the door for fear of something that the owner can not sense. Maybe it can be said that my fate, which is more closely in communication with my life, has an awareness my freewill does not share. And my will is insensible because I am usually impaired. Awareness is often a burden that results in being scared. I’m here more freely when my mind isn’t all there.

Understanding

I understand before I understood

So I got tired of understanding and undersat

Understand again

The figured

Why not overstand

Then proceeded to oversat

And with that I just sat over it all

Article 1.3:Dreams

Dreams. Many ideas and expressions I can’t begin to articulate through just text. I plan to elaborate further in voice the magnitude of influence my dreams have had on my life. So much so that  begin to believe that they play in my life as most would consider “real” experiences do. I learn from my dreams and have experiences that I apply to my current situation in life.

My dreams are as vivid as life, but ever so remaining just a dream. The consciousness of events and understanding of the process enable me a certain control. It is a control that my waking has only a fraction of; with the same share of madness and chaos of events.

Often the line blurs in life and I’m face with whether this is just an illusion. I have experienced events that are other worldly and unexplainable. Coincidences that mimic recurring dreams. Great moments of awareness in which I know I have experienced a particular time elsewhere. I guess that would knocking of the door to insanity, but the insane aren’t aware of it and live blissful lives. Free from the pressures of this reality.

My dreams have given me the opportunity to pose questions that are meaningful to my stint here on Earth. For instance, the sudden waking up after experiencing death in a dream. Is my waking life my death? Why am I not able to cross over into the other world as I die in my dream? Is the other world life itself?

As with all men, the questions of life and afterlife plague me. The mystery which can only be answered at the last moment. As dirt transitions into the afterlife through dream state 7 minutes after death, is he being transported into the dream world? Which was created by his experiences and subconscious mind during the duration of life. Would the idea of hell be the karma from misdeeds in life being released by the subconscious in a timeless dream?

Article 1.2: Smiling

I remember when I was younger a  girl down the street from where I lived asked me, “Why you always smiling?”At that moment I had no answer for her, because I did not know why I smiled. Nor did I know that there must be  a reason to smile.

A woman down the street overheard the girl ask me and told me never to stop smiling.

Now, I wish I knew why I was smiling, because now most of my smiles are limited to the short period of time where I have money or under the influence of some artificially induced state. Only then the weight of the world is lifted from my shoulders.

There are so many more things to smile about, but in this reality, it is exceeded by more things that cause stress.

I want to smile again, freely,but what would need to change in my situation for me to do so. Opportunity, which I am limited to because I a series of extenuating circumstances that follow me whenever I go.

Recently I found photos of myself as a child. In each photo I looked happy; I’m sure times were a lot more innocent. Now the only thoughts that grace my mind are of freedom from my current situation. Contemplations how I can quickly escape which often conclude in the most direct means, drugs. I believe the state in which I experience my reality while on drugs is latent within me. The influence that only buffers the states of mind.

This writing was not done in the same sitting. It has been revised and revisited numerous times.

After my last writing my younger sister asked me whether I was happy. the timting of her question was not a coincidence. I believe that as chaotic the universe is, if the odds are ever in my favor than it meant for me to take notice. I never answered her, but I did ask why. She said be cause I just woke up.

If only happiness were that simple. I should be smiling because I am awake and grateful to experience another day, but new days bring more questions, and frustration from my current situation. I should be used to times like this, but if i succumb to the negativity than I would be but a pessimist. I want the opportunity of relief, so I can smile again.

Article 1.1: Canned Flowers

I would like there to be a beginning to all of this. Though there is none. There is no start to where this began.

I can say that my roots plunge into the dirt of my existence. All that remains are the remains of everyone before me. Holding on to me. Holding me down. From flying.

Nothing is greater than something. Something is limited to description and labels. Something usually can be analyzed. Which means something can be questioned. The complete idea of nothing  cannot be grasped in mere words. Only can it be contemplated upon and become subject to many theories.

Dirt began nowhere and was created from nothing. There are many speculations, such as: the big bang, it changed into a human after 7 days, etc. The knowledge of past events are debatable upon. These trivial matters have not advanced  the understanding of his life, nor his quality of life. There will be more things lost to memory that never technically happened. The impact of these events are of the same magnitude.

Q: W.M.D.

“Women are from Venus. Men are from Mars. Dirt is from Earth.” -drt

Article 1.0: History of Dirt

Hands, man. Time holds mans’ hands. Plays hand to man. Man plays scripts. Man speak spells from manuscript. Actions speak the true speech. To tell somesome is to spell a tale. -drt